Tiny Aches

Thanksgiving dinner was wonderful. There was a huge spread with all kinds of trimmings. We had 20ish people around a looooong table. It was the most epic Thanksgiving table situation ever! We had a fabulous time. I am very thankful for my husband, my family and friends, health and happiness!

The attendees included family and friends of family. There was one couple — friends of a family member — who were there with their three adoooorable children. They were foreigners so they asked lots of questions about our American tradition. It was really cool to see Thanksgiving through the virgin eyes of a European. They had two little girls, maybe 5 and 3, and one little boy who was just about a year. The girls were adorable, and well-behaved I might add. Dressed so cute and their sweet little multilingual vioces! The little boy was sick so he was super snuggly and sweet. Basically he cuddled with mama, who happened to be sitting right next to me, all through dinner.

Normally, I can handle being around small children without feeling an overwhelming sense of heartbrokenness, but not this time. The children were just TOO cute and TOO sweet. And that baby boy was just TOO cuddly. I longingly watched he and his mother clung to one another. My heart ached as I watched my DH longingly watch the mom and baby, too. I think that’s when the heartbreak really set in.

You see, my DH will make a wonderful father. I can’t wait to give birth to our child so I can watch my hot husband holding and snuggling our baby. I’m also really looking forward to how our relationship as a couple will blossom once we’ve become parents. Watching him watch another mother and child was harder than seeing the mother and child with my own eyes.

Wait, there’s more. Then the heartbreak was compounded when I found out that little bump of hers wasn’t just too much turkey or left over baby weight. Yep, she’s pregnant with number four. I just gulped down another glass of wine.

We continued watching the parents interact with their kids, and eventually the father was holding the baby and my DH and I are squeezing each other’s hands signaling how adorable the whole scene was. Then right as we’re looking at the baby, he spewed A LOT of vomit right into his father’s hands. Hahaha. Omg, it was exactly what DH and I needed to see at that moment — get rid of the longing feelings and replace it with disgust! Ew! (I don’t really think baby vomit is gross, but this was more like adult vomit, based on the color and volume! Ew!) The heart ache was immediately extinguished.

A baby will come in time. I just wish waiting wasn’t so hard.

 

 

2 responses to “Tiny Aches

  1. Glad the vomit episode made you feel a little better. Glad you had a good thanksgiving even with the perfect family attending.

  2. That was a great ending to your post, lol. Glad you had a great Thanksgiving!

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Welcome!

After nearly 3 years of TTC and the help of ART, we got pregnant on our 5th IVF/FET transfer after IVF #2. Our beautiful fraternal twin boys were born on 7/15/11 at 37w0d.

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