I’m a bit embarrassed by my recent control-freak meltdown last weekend. I shared my thoughts on this blog in the most raw state and I felt vulnerable afterwards. It didn’t take me long to come back to the now — the present — but that brief time of being really emotional is kind of hard to look back on. I’m glad I vented exactly what I was feeling and thinking on this blog because it was such a great release. Although it’s kind of painful to look back on, I am grateful that I can look back. It’s helps put things in perspective for me. Remember this post? I don’t ever want to forget it. I’m generally a very positive person. This trying to make a baby stuff can sometimes completely consume me and it gets me down every once in a while.

That’s why this blog has been such a great thing to have included in my journey. The message boards can sometimes be so impersonal and harsh. Having a place to vent and finding others who are going through exactly what I’m going through has been such a wonderful experience. I am truly grateful. Thank you!

This week has been insane. I’m moving into a new position at work and we’re overloaded with projects to be completed before the end of the year. I was this busy during our first year of trying to conceive, but then I switched jobs (to where I am now) so I could manage my work stress better. My current job has been pretty chill over the last year — until now. It’s crazy, but not in a bad way like my last job. I’m really enjoying the challenge and where I used to have lots of time on my hands to think about babies, I now have no time on my hands which makes the whole IVF thing less scary because I have less time to think about it.

I think being this busy during my IUIs would have totally stressed me out, but for some reason I’m feeling better about stress and we approach IVF. I think it has to do with the fact that IVF is more rigid. There are less variables. With an IUI, the doctor pinpoints ovulation and then squirts sperm into your uterus and then we let nature take its course. With IVF, the eggs are removed and fertilized and then delivered back to my womb, ready to go. That’s closer than we’ve ever been and I can’t wait. 🙂

P.S. Speaking of message boards, I have connected with a few people who have extended past the messaage boards. One of them, Miss B, just got her BFP last week! I couldn’t be more excited for her! Just wanted to give her a little shout out and thank her for being there for me. Xo!

7 responses to “Refreshed

  1. Which message boards do you use? I’ve tried a few, but never end up stickign around a lot. I’m glad your feeling a bit better. Hope job things continue to go well.

    • babybaker

      i’ve really only used babycenter. i check in from time to time, but not regularly any more.

      thanks! i’m so glad work is keeping me busy. before i know it, 2010 will be here.

  2. Glad that work being busy is keeping your mind off tcc while still not stressing you out – perfect! I hardly even remember your meltdown…it just seemed like a perfectly reasonable response to the craziness that is IF. I’m getting excited about IVF too…IUI had too many things that could’ve gone wrong.

  3. bzw

    i love you. thank you for always being there for me! i’m still here!!! you are next month!!

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After nearly 3 years of TTC and the help of ART, we got pregnant on our 5th IVF/FET transfer after IVF #2. Our beautiful fraternal twin boys were born on 7/15/11 at 37w0d.

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