Beta #7

I had another blood draw and ultrasound this morning. This one was *much* easier to deal with knowing what I was walking into. The nurse even complimented my attitude. She said that my attitude combined with our 11 embabies will result in another pregnancy. She said there’s often not hope for couples after a certain point, but she said that’s not us. It made me smile.

But then… DUN DUN DUN… The nurse just called with beta #7 results, which came back at 2,100 (up from 1,600 last Thursday). Unfortunately things are not decreasing like they should. Can you effing believe this crap?! What can’t it just go down?! This is totally tormenting me! What a rollercoaster! The nurse, again, said it’s not a viable pregnancy because the numbers aren’t rising like they should. I guess my body really likes being pregnant. It seems to really be holding on. Now all we need is a viable embryo.

Hopefully this process gets underway soon. Every time I feel something wet down there, I hope for blood. I never thought I would say that. It’s totally weird to be on this side of the fence. If things don’t start happening on their own, we might have to schedule a D&C but I really want to avoid it if I can. On the flip side, I really want this over with. I have acupuncture tomorrow so hopefully that will help move things along. I go back for beta #8 on Monday.

As you can see, there’s still a little spot where the cells never continued to grow. A spot that almost became our baby. I am so very thankful that we never saw a heartbeat. I would have been 7w2d today. That is that last time I will count, I promise.

I did get some good news today. I got the official okay from my RE today to have intercourse! So honey, IT’S Y(OUR) LUCKY DAY! Woohoo! Maybe a good orgasm can get things moving in there. It’s been A MONTH since I last had sexual relations with my husband. It’s seriously ridiculous and unacceptable. There’s a silver lining in every ugly situation. This lining is extremely bright shining silver. I’ve been missing the closeness that making loves brings. I need some closeness right about now.

8 responses to “Beta #7

  1. C

    Sweetie,

    This was such a lovely post about such a shitty situation. I’m so sorry that you are going through this–and I’m sure you’ll hear it 1000 times, but your outlook is remarkable, admirable, and just plain…wow. I hope you find the closeness you are craving, and I completely understand about WANTING to see the blood to be able to mark time and move onto the pregnancy you are meant to have.
    xo
    C

  2. you seem like you’re doing well given the crap situation, so i’m glad that you’re at least sounding okay. *hugs* anyways :o) ps – YAAY for sexytime!! that was the best post-bfn moment for me :o)

  3. I’ve admired your unwaveringly positive attitude through all of this. You’ve been through so much crap and your words still seem to smile from the page. Enjoy loving your husband!

  4. wow indeed. nothing but wows always from you ms baby baker. you will be bakin one very soon too. have fun girl, its always amazing after having to wait so long. thinking of you and hoping af shows up soon. xoxoxo

  5. I need to steal your attitude when ever I’ve faced with something that’s brought me down – you’re awesome. I’m sorry the #s keep going up – WHAT ON EARTH! Definitely hope a little accupuncture and an orgazm or 10 will move things along. Seriously this no sex during the IVF time is just not ok. have fun! 😉

  6. You do have a great attitude. You are awesome. Weird that your beta keeps going up, but it is a good thing your body likes being pregnant. That means that you will be again soon.

  7. Claire

    I’m so sorry that you have to hope for blood and that your beta is still high. I’m sorry this FET wasn’t the ONE. and I love your attitude about finding healing and connection with some good old sex:) go for it!

  8. What an amazing attitude you have! I’m envious of that – I did not have such a thing when I went through my losses. For what it’s worth, I had two miscarriages naturally (one very early – just like a period, one at about 6.5 weeks NOT just like a period) and one D&C. Between the very heavy natural loss and the D&C, the D&C was ten times better for me. I only tell you this because if it comes down to it, a D&C might not be the worst option. Feel free to email me if you want to talk more about it. And I agree with the nurse – your terrific attitude and remaining embabies will equal success! No doubt.

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Welcome!

After nearly 3 years of TTC and the help of ART, we got pregnant on our 5th IVF/FET transfer after IVF #2. Our beautiful fraternal twin boys were born on 7/15/11 at 37w0d.

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