One of Those Days

Even optimists like myself have bad days. Yesterday was one of those days. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy and thus, distracted, but I’ve been having one of those moments. You know, the kind where you start asking yourself all the questions? Why me? Is it ever going to be our turn? Sure, we got pregnant but it didn’t work — are all of our embryos rotten? What the eff is wrong? Is everything going to turn out okay? What if this doesn’t work? How much more do I have left in me? Will I be pregnant on my birthday or will I be depressed?

Frankly I’m tired of giving my life over to trying to conceive. It’s been 2 years and 4 months already. I miss me. I miss life the way it used to be, but at the same time I’m not ready to give up. I’m just sick of it. Can someone just please put me in a coma and wake me up when I’m pregnant?

Siiiiiiigh! I’m still bleeding, but it’s starting to taper off. I’ve never bled for a week straight before. Maybe when the bleeding stops I can turn over a new leaf and focus on the positive again. I think maybe this “moment” has something to do with the break month. Sure, I’m hoping mother nature works her magic and we knock ourselves up but there’s something frightening about sitting back and letting nature take it’s course. It’s almost as if I’m addicted to ART or something. A month without meds and dates with the dildocam makes me want to scream!

5 responses to “One of Those Days

  1. I get these moments a lot, too, so you’re not alone. Everything about IF is so frustrating and there are never any concrete answers. And, after being so proactive and having your life revolve around shots and pills and appointments and now nothing, it’s even more frustrating (if that’s even possible).

    I’ve tried to spend the last month focusing on healing my body from all the hormones. I’ve started taking a whole slew of supps and vitamins — it makes me feel like I’m doing something!

  2. I had a lot of those moments trying to get pregnant. Infertility is exhausting and emotionally taxing. I do think you have an excellent chance, though. (Even your doctor thinks so!)

  3. katery

    i’m sorry you had a bad day 😦
    it is really awesome that you ended up with so many embryos so you can keep trying, it seems like most people only end up with a few, i bet the next fet will be the one.

  4. *hugs* Everyone has their moments when they break down and are sad. I hope that it is your turn soon.

  5. I like the idea of the coma…that’s how I feel at this point….I’m glad you are making progress. And btw, that pink stuff is hysterical!

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After nearly 3 years of TTC and the help of ART, we got pregnant on our 5th IVF/FET transfer after IVF #2. Our beautiful fraternal twin boys were born on 7/15/11 at 37w0d.

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