Hope Is A Choice

And right now, I’m choosing to hope like hell. I have to admit, it’s hard. Really hard.

I hope with all my heart that FET #3 is the one. I hope that my second opinions are for naught. I hope that I get to make my husband a father. I hope that one day I can look back on all of this and continue to be grateful for this experience. Grateful because it’s made the prize at the end that much more special. Grateful because without this journey, I’d be a different mother.

I hope the decision of how many embryos to put back this time is easy. I hope that my RE is assertive, for once, the day of the transfer. I found out from one of the nurses that he was upset that we changed our mind from three to two last time. If he feels so strongly about it, I need him to tell us that. Even though it’s our decision, he’s the expert.

I remember when were doing IUIs, refusing to number them. I didn’t ever want to say “IUI #1” because I had hope and because I didn’t want there to be an IUI #2, let alone #3 and #4. Now look at me. I’m about to embark on effing FET #3. This will be my 8th ART cycle within 14 months. Aren’t the odds supposed to be on my side by now? Aren’t you “supposed” to get pregnant after three IVF cycles? I guess I technically did with my lil ol’ blighted ovum, but since it didn’t stick I’m not really counting it.

I really hope this works for us. I hope with all my being.

10 responses to “Hope Is A Choice

  1. I hope FET #3 is it for you, too! Hope is a scary thing in IF land for sure. Good Luck!

  2. I will be hoping with you, hon. And I will say it again, I don’t know how you have put yourself through so much. You are a ROCK! This HAS to be it….HUGS.

  3. i’m hoping ever-so-hard for you too babes. this is your turn!! third time has got to be the charm. xoxo.

  4. Hope is sometimes all we have so dig into and stay there.

  5. Yah, it is definitely not the logical choice all the time, either! But I am a hope junkie, so you can bet this cycle is a success!

  6. Hoping right along with YOU!!!

  7. You SO know how much I too am hoping, praying, wishing for effn FET tres to be the one for you. This IF is such a bitch and then when we finally get a break, if we get one, its still hard. I am 27 weeks today and I still struggle with my happiness and hopefulness. Anyway, just know there are SO MANY of us routing for you and I wish with all MY being that this is your time. xoxo

  8. I think you have good reason to hope. You have lots of embryos to choose from, so you’ll get only the best. And you’re being more assertive with the numbers. I’d be willing to place a bet on you this cycle. Hope away!

  9. I hope this is it for you too.

  10. C

    Hope can very well sometimes seem as painful as non-hope–but everything you said about how this will change the kind of mother you are is so so true. You will look back at the time of shittiness and hurt and sadness and be so tremendously grateful and appreciative for your child, in a way I think is different from those who conceive without help…I know for sure it changed the way I parent.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


After nearly 3 years of TTC and the help of ART, we got pregnant on our 5th IVF/FET transfer after IVF #2. Our beautiful fraternal twin boys were born on 7/15/11 at 37w0d.

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 62 other followers


%d bloggers like this: