I’ve already accepted that this cycle didn’t work. I’ve accepted that there must be something preventing implantation. I’ve accepted that we’ve had terrible luck. I’ve dealt with the grief of yet another failed cycle.
But now I’m pissed. And apparently being pissed makes me so angry that I want to cry. Or punch people in the neck.
Siiiigh. To try to find positivity in today, I’m wearing a very pretty, very girly Anthropologie dress. I’m wearing heels and lots of pretty make up, appropriate for daytime of course. And I have on a pink cardigan and sparkly pink earrings.
So yes, as the title of this post states, the BFN was just confirmed. And here I am four failed cycles and nine embryos later. OMG, I’m one of those IVF veterans I thought I’d never be. It’s crazy! I’m still not pregnant!
I honestly have no regrets about our previous four cycles. I’m not mad at our RE. When I saw the nurse this morning, I could tell she’s as surprised and probably almost as upset as I am. Something’s obviously not working, but my RE isn’t willing to do the testing I want so we’re moving on (although he does want to meet next Friday). I am thankful that we were lucky enough to have a great IVF cycle where we made beautiful embryos and we were able to give 9 of them a chance at life.
Now we close a chapter and we begin a new one. We feel really great about our new RE and I have two friends that he helped get pregnant. (Friends, I should say, that I would have never met had I not started this blog or been an avid Baby Center message board freak back when I was doing IUIs.)
I am again choosing hope. This choice doesn’t come easy to me at this point in the game because it takes real focus to choose that path, but we’re still hanging on to hope for dear life.
Thank you to all of you for your continued support, your hope, your kind comments. I want to hug you all in real life right this instant.