I’ve been doing a lot of Google Reader reorganization lately. A lot of you are moving from TTCing and IVFing to BFPs and some of you BFPers and moving to Babies. My Babies and BFP blog lists are getting longer than my IVF list. Can’t lie. I’m feeling a bit left behind. Don’t get me wrong, I know my turn will come soon, but it still stings. I’m becoming one of those never-ending pity-party IF cases.
Wanna know what else stings a little? (I hesitate to continue because I don’t mean to offend anyone by this. I am honestly so happy for each and every one of you who have crossed over, but I can be honest about my feelings here because this is my space, right? If this does offend you, I’m sorry.) It hurts to see someone be negative about the possibility of a BFP becoming a reality and then see them go on to get it. I have tried so hard for 4 cycles* this year to maintain a really positive attitude and I’m still left empty-handed. I know I’ve had bad days — I’m not perfect — but I’ve fought hard to keep the negative thoughts out of my head. I do plan to keep with the positive outlook because honestly, that’s the only way I know how to deal with the pain, and I hope one day (soon) it will pay off.
There I said it. These are the things that sting right now. Thank you for letting me get it off my chest. And thank you for not being offended.
*Isn’t it terrible that for all of 2010, I’ve only had 4 real tries at having a baby so far? IVF cycles take about 2 months and I did 4 (fresh and frozen) so there’s 8 months down the drain and then add in a month for miscarriage recovery and a month for a break and here we are. Nine months in and nada. Fifth time’s a charm? Isn’t that what they say?