I’ve never dealt with a severely depressed person before. I need advice.
As I’ve discussed before, my mom is dealing with a lot of issues. Mostly it’s pent up issues from her childhood, and her whole entire life I suppose, that she’s never dealt with. She’s experienced lots of family drama and she is now suffering from health issues as well, which I believe stem from all of the issues and anxiety she’s be dealing with for years. So anyway, today my mom sent my brother and I a long email detailing her issues so we could understand and support her — while also asking for leeway to have her “venting” episodes (which basically means explosions and rudeness to those she loves most). I am glad, though, that she’s finally opening up. That’s definitely a step forward.
My mom is a master manipulator, by the way. Best of the best. The example above of playing the woe is me card, while asking for room to be a bitch is only one of many. She’s trying to blame her entire emotional state on one event that happened this summer, which is totally not true. She’s been suffering like this for about a year. But boy is she good at making you think something else.
My dad and brother both cater to my mom because they’re dealing with her in person every day. I don’t have that issue since I’m hundreds of miles away. I think she needs a bit of reality, but I don’t want to push her further down her hole.
I’d like to reply with a candid email. Essentially saying that it’s hard for me to support her. I’m her child. I’m not ready to have to take care of my parents. Plus her life is so full of her own issues, I can bring her in on mine. She’s rude to those around her. She explodes on a dime. She’s extremely over-medicated. She’s extremely unhappy. She’s lucky my dad is even still married to her. I want to point out to her that her issues are too big for her to deal with alone. I’m not equipped to help her. No one in my family is. I have no idea what it’s like to be severely depressed and I have no idea what it’s like to have decades and decades of issues pent up. She needs professional help. She’s against it (she’s a nurse) because I think she thinks she knows everything they know. Basically I want to say that I want my mom back and the only way I think she can do that is through professional help.
Will that put her over the edge? Are there other ways I can be supportive AND honest without making the situation worse? I definitely don’t want to talk to her on the phone. She never lets you say anything. She pulls the “you don’t understand” card.
Should I wait to say anything that could remotely rock the boat until after this cycle? I have no idea what the outcome of an email response from me would be like and I certainly don’t have room for more stress in my life.
Any advice? This is awful.