Woohoo! Guess what I did this morning? I took my last BCP! Hopefully the last BCP for the rest of my life! Now maybe a real AF will show up so I can get this spotting crap over with. Spotting, it’s been a real joy getting to know you these last 3 weeks.
The Dexamethasone isn’t making me hungry or gain weight (yet) but it is making a restful nights sleep difficult. The first day I tried dinner, yesterday I tried lunch so today I took it with breakfast. Hopefully that will help. Coming off a cold, I need all the rest I can get.
Thank you so much for your comments and emails with advice on how to best deal with my mom. I’ve decided to pretend I don’t think she’s a nutjob and support her as best I can. That will require very little effort from me over the next month which is exactly what I need to be able to take care of myself. It’s just so hard to see her weird thought process and her self-pity. What happened to my strong mother? She made me like I am, so how did she lose it? Oh well. Not to be cold-hearted but it’s not my problem. I have to focus on positivity at the moment and I hope I can send some of it her way.
I have the email written and one day I will say those things. One day soon. And with time, maybe some of the sharp edges on my words will become smooth. Maybe over the holidays in person? Honestly, I sort of don’t want to go home this year. I want peace and love with my hubby … and baby in my belly. Too bad we couldn’t go home just to see my ILs. (Our parents live about 1.5 hours apart.) My mom already compares time spent with her and the ILs. Sigh. I’m so glad I moved.
I know she needs to realize she needs help herself. I can’t force her to do it. This is so challenging, but you’re right — I’ll focus on supporting my dad and my brother while reinforcing that they should not enable her. Jesus. I hope she can find the light at the end of the tunnel because I feel terrible for her.
Back to my regularly scheduled program of peace and zen and breathing and meditating and growing healthy eggs.