I had my last acupuncture session today. I suppose today is sort of another graduation. I love acupuncture so much but at the same time, I’ve come to associate it with infertility. I think I need some time away from it again. As I approach the second trimester, I need to say goodbye to dwelling in that part of my life. I may pick up acupuncture again later in pregnancy if a need arises, but I think this is it for now.
Besides, my acupuncturist is located in my RE’s clinic and it’ll be good to not return. Every time I walk in there I have a shit-eating grin on my face because I’m so damn happy that I got pregnant within those walls. How annoying I must be to those waiting for their turn! Smiles are hard to come by in an REs office! And if I decide to seek acupuncture in the next 6 months I wouldn’t go back there even though I really like that acupuncturist because I don’t want to offend ladies in the waiting room with my belly. How awful that would be!
Back to the saying goodbye to yesterday…
I’m struggling a bit to find the new me. For nearly 3 years, my life was consumed with getting to where I am today. I have pushed friends away. I have forgotten who I am, what I like to do, where I want to go. I’m in this weird rut. It reminds me of exactly how I felt after I finished grad school. For 3 years, I was working full-time, going to school at night and studying in my free time. Oh and I planned a wedding in 5 months in there as well. When I graduated I found myself with all this free time that I had no idea what to do with. So I filled it up with work. I was always “on.” I worked late and I constantly checked my Blackberry. I was busy and I was successful in my career.
Fast forward a few years and I threw out the BCPs. I was still working hard, long days and my cycles were out of whack (60+ days!). I started acupuncture and got my cycles on track-ish. I decided to change jobs to one much less stressful and much more fun which allowed me space to have a bit of a life again, which was quickly gobbled up by TTC.
Fast forward another few years of TTC and IF bullshit and here I am. In 6 months or so, I’ll be a mother. This is exactly what I fought so hard for. But now what? I need to get back to who I am. I need to get my gusto back. I’m sure some of this rut thing has to do with the hormones raging through my body right now. All I want to do is go directly home after work, watch bad TV and go to sleep. Not the most effective way to get your life back. But I’m working on it.
I think exercise will help. Anyone have any good pregnancy yoga DVDs they can recommend? I also have access to a pool so I think I’ll do some swimming this weekend.
I can do it. I need to do it so I can be the best mom I can be. I will do it.