Becoming A Mother

Happy Mother’s Day! And for those of us who aren’t quite actual mothers just yet, we WILL be wonderful mothers one day. I know my day is sooner than some of yours, but it will be your day soon. Believe it. It will happen. Xo.

I thought a repost from last year is fitting for today…

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother:

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money, or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed.

I have succeeded.

I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I WILL be a wonderful mother.

~Author Unknown

9 responses to “Becoming A Mother

  1. Happy Mothers Day. Thank you for the repost – I could not have expressed it better.

  2. Debbie

    Posts like this really sting. I am not an infertile. However, I too prayed for all of my children. I too, notice everything about them, watch them sleep, explore, learn, and grow. To imply that women who struggle to conceive will be better mothers or more appreciative of their children is hurtful.
    I wish that all women who wanted children could conceive easily without medications and procedures. I wish that we all had easy pregnancies, safe deliveries, and healthy babies. In the end, we are all just mothers – doing the best we can with what we have been given – and ALL loving our children with all of our hearts. I wish you a happy first Mother’s day, and continued health for you and your babies.

    • Completely fair perspective, but it’s important to note that this wasn’t meant to say that those who didn’t struggle won’t be amazing mothers. I’m sure you are a fantastic mom. From my personal perspective, it’s just saying that I believe I’ll be a better mother because of what I’ve been through. I truly think that without this journey, I’d be a different mom. This post wasn’t meant to sting, but rather soothe those who aren’t as fortunate as us.

  3. almostif

    Happy Mother’s day šŸ™‚ xxx

  4. Your post made me cry— beautifully written. Thank you for posting. I agree that the struggle and the pain and the tears- makes one more grateful when the dream actually comes true.

  5. chon

    As an infertile I understand what this post is saying. It is saying because of the hardships it will make ME a better mother than the one I would have been if I hadn’t have gone through all of this pain to get here. I will no longer take anything for granted so those moments which may have once passed me by I will be aware of. Most of my friends are the lucky ones that haven’t struggled and they are great mums and do an amazing job. Being infertile wont make me better than them just simply better for me.

    I hope you got some pressies this year x 2!!

  6. sienna

    i love this poem. i have it saved on my blackberry and read back on it many a time during my ivf cycles. happy belated momma’s day!! xoxo.

  7. nelly

    I just had a miscarriage last week and seeing your post made me cry. it cannot be more true. I particularly liked this – as I often wake up with nightmares and sad dreams.
    “i will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.”

    Thank you for this, and i will remind this to myself as i go for my next ivf cycle

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After nearly 3 years of TTC and the help of ART, we got pregnant on our 5th IVF/FET transfer after IVF #2. Our beautiful fraternal twin boys were born on 7/15/11 at 37w0d.

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