No, not me — my momma.
As you long time followers know, I’ve sort of always had a bit of a contentious relationship with my mom. Pregnancy has simply magnified things. She’s very clearly projecting her wants and desires onto me and this pregnancy. She’s been driving me nuts, but I’ve been working very hard to let it roll off my back. Her feelings get hurt if I comment on unsolicited advice she gives me (even if I’m joking). She’s extremely disappointed she can’t be here when they’re born — which by the way is ridiculous for the following reasons: 1) I’m delivering in the OR so it’s not really an option and 2) she lives in another state and works full time so she won’t be able to get (or afford) the time off, nor would she be able to get here quickly enough and 3) most importantly, we didn’t invite her to be here. Even if I lived close to her, I still wouldn’t. This experience is about my husband and I as we start a new chapter in our lives, not about my husband, my mom and I.
She’s also been driving me nuts because she will text me and ask how my doctor appointments go. Seriously? You’re going to text me and ask questions like What do the babies weigh? and then Is your cervix holding tight?. Look, I am not going to be text messaging about my cervix. That is ridiculous. Why can’t she freaking just pick up the phone and call like any other normal person? So lame.
She also got extremely bent out of shape about a post I made on our family blog. I wrote about how we really want to promote individuality for our children, which means we want to avoid referring to them as ‘the twins’. This particular post wasn’t targeted at anyone in particular, but it was intended to share our plans about how we plan to raise our kids. She’s pretty attached to the idea of twins already and I think she has the whole matchy-matchy thing stuck in her head. She took the post personally. She’s not going to be very open to hearing about how we want to parent our children, I can tell already.
Sigh. These are only a few of examples of many.
Anyway, she sent me an email last weekend. Again, I wish she would just call me, but after reading the email I’m sure it would have been way too hard for her to get those words out. She commented about how this is really about how she’s feeling and she realizes that it’s separate from what I’m going through. She commented how motherhood was such a wonderful experience for her and what a special baby I was. She commented that she wished she could go back and do it all over again so that she could actually deserve to have me as a daughter (she was 18 when she got pregnant — this part totally made me feel sad for her). She commented that I have exceeded her expectations of success. Basically, she opened up, gave me some background on why she was feeling and acting the way she is, and did exactly what I’ve needed her to do — separate her feelings, anxieties, worries, wants and desires from mine. I couldn’t have been more thrilled. I called her, we talked about it, and all is good.
I know there will be more unsolicited advice to come and she’ll probably still get on my nerves a bit when she comes to visit, but she’s my mom and I love her and I can deal with the little stuff. I just needed her to stop forcing her “re-do” on my life.